


Out of Emptiness

by ninjamonkey73



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s02e12 Resurrection Ship (2), F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjamonkey73/pseuds/ninjamonkey73
Summary: She turned to face him, letting the frustration show on her face. "If you make me cry, Leland Adama, I will punch you so hard you'll wish you were back out in space."
Relationships: Lee "Apollo" Adama/Kara "Starbuck" Thrace
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Out of Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Continues from Lee's last line in S2's Resurrection Ship: Part 2

"That's just it, Kara," Lee said softly, staring blankly at the underside of the rack above him. "I didn't want to make it back alive."

His words hung heavily in the air between them, a stunning revelation that left Kara speechless for a change. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye as she sat on the side of his rack and contemplated a response. Flip replies flowed up, but she held her tongue. Confessing he wanted to die was too serious a statement for her to try to make light of it.

Kara took a deep breath, burying her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her lap. She exhaled forcefully between her palms and turned slowly to Lee. "You really know how to take the air out of a room, Apollo."

Lee's shattered look coalesced into a faint smirk that just as quickly disappeared. She looked back at her shoes. Seeing him like this was painful. Confident, almost arrogant Apollo reduced to a miserable, depressed husk. Her first thought was to lie on the rack next to him and hold him, tell him he'd be okay, but she pushed the urge down and stood to pace. How could she tell him he'd be okay, when she wasn't sure any of them would be? He deserved better than empty platitudes.

Once around the bunk room table and she confirmed they were alone, all the other racks' owners out on CAP or in the rec room or anywhere else. As she came around to the hatch, she pulled it shut and spun the wheel, locking it against the other officers who shared the room. Lee might not care right now who saw him like this, but Kara wanted to protect the CAG's image. It was the least she could do. And it filled time while she considered what to say.

Kara once again settled on the edge of his rack, forcing herself to look at him. Lee continued to look through the bunk over his head, his eyes distant and unfocused. He looked haunted.

"Talk to me, Lee," she whispered, her throat uncomfortably tight.

He turned to face her for a moment, eyes pulling slowly into focus and meeting her concerned gaze, before turning back to stare at nothing. "What more is there to say, Kara? In those final moments, floating in space, knowing I was about to die, I was... content. Happier than I've been in a long time. I wanted to die. And then I came to in the Raptor and I was... disappointed. I was given a second chance at life, and I felt like I'd been cheated out of something. Like I'd been forced back into this life I didn't choose."

She tentatively took one of Lee's hands, squeezing it between hers and rubbing her thumb absentmindedly over it. "None of us chose the Cylon apocalypse, Lee." Without thinking, Kara pulled his hand to her lips and placed a kiss on a knuckle, wanting to make him feel better but having no idea how. "I wish I knew what to say to you."

Lee's eyes clouded and he glanced over at her, squeezing her hand. He seemed to be struggling with something, so she let the silence stretch out to give him time to work it out. His face started to clear, the old familiar Lee starting to rise back to the surface. He pulled his hand back gently and pushed himself up to a sitting position. 

"What?" Kara asked softly, trying not to squirm under his searching eyes. Her brow furrowed and she reached for his hand again.

She wanted to reassure him he could tell her anything, but wasn't sure that was the truth. So much hung unspoken between them, at least for her. She squeezed his hand, hating how exposed she felt, as though he could see her uncertainty on her face. He needed to get back to being Apollo, so she needed to listen to whatever he had to say. She owed him that much after all the times he had tried to be there for her.

"I'm here," she croaked, her voice faltering, and she looked down at their hands self-consciously. She swallowed hard around the lump forming in her throat. _Keep it together, Thrace. Lee needs a friend right now_. The realization that she had nearly lost him was overwhelming, but the last thing Lee needed was a blubbering fool crying all over him. It was also, she noted, the last thing she needed. She took a deep breath and met his eyes again, smiling uncomfortably at him and steeling herself for whatever it was he was contemplating saying.

Lee caught her off guard by leaning forward and brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear with his free hand. As his finger brushed the top of her ear she tensed ever so slightly, hoping he didn't notice.

His eyes softened and he smiled at her sadly. "I did have some regrets," Lee whispered, trailing off at the end.

Kara's breath caught, sensing where the conversation was headed. "Lee," she pleaded, cringing even as she said it. She closed her eyes and struggled to find her center. He made her feel so unanchored. _Damn him._ When she opened her eyes, he was still there. _So much for wishing him away_.

"No, I have to say this." Lee pressed her hand between his.

Her eyes widened in expectation of what he'd say next, fear and panic clenching at her chest. She needed to leave. Now. She needed to pull her hand out of his and get the hell out of there, but she was trapped.

"Easy, there. You look ready to bolt," Lee said, a smile traveling all the way to his eyes. "I just wanted to say thanks. For putting up with me over the years. And thanks for being Starbuck and Kara. They are two very different people, and I didn't realize how much I needed them both until I was floating in space with a hole in my suit."

She realized she'd been holding her breath against some emotional confession and hissed it out. She laughed humorlessly. "Heart-to-hearts aren't really my thing, Lee. I'm probably not who you really need right now." She started to pull her hand back, readying herself to leave, but Lee held it tighter.

"No, Kara, don't go. You are exactly who I need right now." Lee blushed suddenly and looked at their hands. "I mean, no one knows me better than you, and if I am going to be an emotional wreck in front of someone on Galactica, I'd rather it be you. If I'm not making you too uncomfortable with all this ‘heart-to-heart’ stuff."

Kara smiled thinly. Seeing Lee vulnerable made her heart ache. And it brought up the ever-present specter of Zak. Could she and the Old Man have survived the death of the remaining Adama son? She inhaled sharply, her breath hitching and her throat tight again. "I'm really glad you're still alive. You scared the hell out of me back there."

She gestured for him to move his feet and slid back across the rack to lean against the wall. Lee turned to sit next to her, shoulder to shoulder against the back wall, feet pointing out into the bunkroom. They sat that way in silence for a while before Lee took a slow deep breath, bracing himself to start talking again.

"When I thought I'd let you down, I just gave up. I wanted to be dead rather than survive and find I'd failed you when you needed me most."

She glanced at him, trying to weigh her response. "I already told you. I didn't need you anyway."

"That's not the point. I said I'd be there and I wasn't."

"You were floating in space in a leaky flight suit. For all I knew, you broke up with the sh-ship," Kara said quietly, swallowing hard. She turned to face him, letting the frustration show on her face. "If you make me cry, Leland Adama, I will punch you so hard you'll wish you were back out in space."

He smiled at that, turning to face her with his legs pulled up crosswise. "Kara Thrace cries?"

She played nonchalant. "Only for really special occasions. Let's just say I'm a sucker for sappy weddings."

"Yeah, I doubt that," he laughed softly. "Well, I'm alive and you're alive, so I guess everything turned out okay in the end."

Kara nodded. "Starbuck and Apollo live to fight another day," she said, a bit sadly.

Lee reached for her chin and gently turned her face to his. "I thought I was the one wallowing in self-pity," he said, his eyes searching again.

Her mouth quirked up in a lopsided, humorless grin. All the things she wanted to say to him floated up, threatening to pour out of her. Well, if he wanted a heart-to-heart, she'd give him one.

She took a slow, deep breath and met his eyes, choosing her words carefully. "I think we all want to die sometimes, Lee. To be free of this mess we're all in. But you and I, we won't get off that easy. Humanity needs us," she added bitterly.

He stared at her with an odd look in his eye. "Yeah."

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow once again.

"Well, when you put it that way.... But you're absolutely right." He huffed and turned back to the room, running his hands down his face.

The bleakness was returning to his eyes and she silently chided herself as the cause. Throwing her usual good sense where Lee was concerned out the window, she bit her lip and turned to face him. "You look like you need a hug." She spoke without sarcasm.

He tensed at her words. His eyes closed slowly. "Will you lie with me a little while? I don't want to be alone just yet."

"Lie down." Kara settled next to him along the back wall of the bunk. She fitted herself against his side, an arm thrown across his waist and her head on his shoulder. Lee put his hand on the middle of her back and pulled her tightly to him. Several minutes passed in silence. Kara ignored the klaxon going off in her head and focused on his strong, steady heartbeat in her ear. If she could forget it was Lee, she had to admit to herself that lying there felt pretty good, even if she wasn't usually the cuddle type.

Of course, there was no forgetting it was Lee. Lying there with him, every breath took in the scent of him. Her mind reeled: _Behave, it's Lee. Go, before I do something incredibly stupid. Stay, for his sake. Stay, for my sake._

Eventually, Lee raised his head slightly. "Kara?"

She tilted her head up to face him, smiling at how her name reverberated in his chest.

"Thanks," Lee whispered, placing a lingering kiss on her lips.

She was immediately transported back to the day she returned from Caprica with the Arrow of Apollo, when he had kissed her unexpectedly as President Roslin looked on. She didn't have an audience to save her this time. She frowned and pulled her hand up to rest her chin on it. "How am I supposed to take that?"

"Thanks?" Confusion clouded Lee's features.

Kara took a moment to contemplate her response. "The kiss, idiot," she said playfully. "I can't tell if you're restraining yourself or kissing your sister."

He smiled. "Which do you want it to be?"

"Damned if I know," she sighed. "I just don't want to wonder which it is. You make me unsure of myself, Lee, and I hate that." His head tipped back onto the pillow and he stared at the ceiling. Kara continued to stare at his chin, thinking absentmindedly that it might be nice to kiss him again, properly next time. "If you need to think so much about it, I'm guessing sister."

His head popped back up and he looked uncomfortable for a moment. "That wasn't what I was thinking. Not exactly.... This is nice."

"But?" Kara waited for the other shoe to drop, silently wishing she hadn't been enjoying lying with him so much. She should have known better.

An exasperated huff escaped Lee and he squinted at her. "Always assume the negative, don't you? Did it ever occur to you that I restrain myself because whenever I test the waters you seem ready to run?"

"I'm not running now," she offered quietly, surprised to hear herself say it, but unable to deny it. They had been playing an intense cat-and-mouse game all the years they'd known each other. Seeing him broken by his brush with death had hammered home one thing, if nothing else. Regardless of the flight response he seemed to trigger in her, Kara Thrace was done running away from Lee Adama.

She raised herself up beside him, one hand splayed on his chest, the other arm supporting her on her elbow, the fingers of that hand running through his hair. Time slowed as she studied his face, all familiar curves and angles. His hand on her back pulled her even tighter to him, while his other hand traced lazy patterns on her cheeks, brow, and lips. When his fingers brushed her lower lip, the slow burn between them flared and it was all she could do to not nip at his finger with her teeth. _Play nice_ , she warned herself.

He leaned in for their first real kiss and she pulled back, smiling mischievously. Her body thrummed in all the right places, and she wanted to savor it while she could. Sliding his hand slowly past her cheek into her hair, he gently tried to pull her lips down to his, but she resisted, letting out a booming laugh in the empty bunkroom.

"Patience, patience. What's your rush?" She smiled broadly at him, the dim light of his rack flashing in her eyes.

Lee opened his mouth to reply and closed it again. His lids dropped closed as well for a few beats before he leveled his blue eyes at her again. "I'm afraid that I'll say something wrong and things will go back the way they were. I feel like I've waited forever for this moment, Kara, and it feels... fragile."

A wide, sure grin spread across Kara's face and she bit back any of a number of sarcastic remarks her brain tossed up. She sighed contentedly. "That makes two of us. Look, Lee, I can't make you any promises. Right now, I know I'm lucky to have you alive, but we're still who we always were. Will we piss each other off later? Of course. But then there can be makeup sex." Her eyes danced as she leaned closer to his lips, hovering just out of reach.

Attraction had long ago become longing, which had eventually become need, if she was to be honest with herself. A few hours ago, he'd been lost to the vast, black emptiness of space. Lee had been returned to her, thank the Gods, and she would try to ride out whatever came of it, no matter how crazy or out of control it felt.

"So, Lee," she breathed, her mouth centimeters from his. "How's that second chance feel now?"

In response, he grabbed her waist, ending her teasing by fiercely sealing his mouth around hers. She opened to him immediately, all thoughts of taking things slowly flying away. Lee was alive. And kissing her like she wished he would since the first day she met him. _Gods, it's good to be alive._

Way in the back of her mind, the thought floated up that there would be no take-backs if she stayed. And eventually, they would have to unlock the hatch and let the world back in. She made a mental note to try not to look guilty later, although she doubted Lee could pull it off. _That boy wears his emotions all over his face_ , she thought. She smiled against his mouth and laughed softly, surprised to realize she didn't care who thought she was sleeping with the CAG. In fact, right about now, she wanted everyone to know.


End file.
